August 22, 2024

If you’re a soon-to-be married couple, you’re probably looking forward to your big wedding day. After all, it’s the start of your next chapter together - a huge relationship milestone!

But have you thought about what will happen *after* you start your next chapter together?

Don’t worry. As a marriage and relationship coach, I’ve got you on all things marriage questions and marriage advice. 

Here are some tips for soon-to-be married couples as you prepare for your new life together.

Soon-To-Be-Married Emotional Preparation

Emotional preparation isn’t something that most people think about as an experience they need before they walk down the aisle. 

But if you’ve survived the transition from just getting engaged to starting to plan your wedding - where your mother is telling you all about how the table linens should look, and your future mother-in-law has something to say about the guest list and the wedding website - then you know where I’m coming from!

It can be so hard to navigate all of the emotions - the thrill of getting engaged, the confusion around how to blend your desires as a couple with those of family and friends for the wedding and beyond, etc.

But most of all, it’s important to remember that preparing for your marriage emotionally is actually more important than preparing for the wedding day. 

Because the wedding is one day. 

But your marriage lasts forever.

So how do you prepare emotionally for your marriage? There are lots of ways - coaching, therapy, nervous system regulation. 

My personal favorite modality that I teach inside of the Wise Love experience is “parts” work, which is similar to Internal Family Systems (IFS) work in therapy. You can learn more about “parts” work and why I think it’s so amazing here. 

Soon-To-Be-Married Communication Tips

Once we’re able to acknowledge the emotions coming up that we talked about above, we need to focus on communicating them with our partner! Communication also helps to uncover how we’re feeling, and then to be able to share that with others (here, your partner!). 

When you’re navigating through these emotionally tough waters - like the, “hey, I love you, but your MIL is driving me crazy with wedding planning. Can we figure out something else?” relationship boundaries conversations - 

That’s when communication strategies can be really helpful.

Because you want your partner to hear you out - a difficult thing, when you’re talking about their family, admittedly (or when they are trying to talk to you about yours). 

We aren’t taught this stuff in school. So you’ll likely both need to learn how to do this, together.

Soon-To-Be-Married Financial Advice

Conversations around finances are also really important to consider right now! Have you talked about shared bank accounts? How you’ll file for your taxes? How about how you’ll spend your money on shared things - like items or experiences?

All of these are good considerations to iron out before the big day to set expectations about how the two of you will navigate finances in the future!

Soon-To-Be-Married Legal Considerations

Soon-to-be married legal considerations are the final piece of the puzzle. Have you talked about the items discussed in a prenup or legal estate planning topics (financial considerations in the event of separation or death, what happens in long-term healthcare situations for you and your family members, how do you want to handle money with respect to kids)? 

Note - it’s very important to tune into how these topics make you feel. Often, we ignore the big legal and financial discussions because we don’t have the tools and skills to understand our emotions in this context, share them with our partners, navigate emotional and relational conflict in a way that brings us closer together. This is why emotional and communication preparation is so important! 

Becoming Closer Together Than Ever With Your Partner

And there you have it! Advice for soon-to-be married couples on key, foundational areas that will support you and your partner in coming closer together than ever before.

Remember - if you want to come closer together, you have to navigate the big conversations to build the trust that the two of you will live out your lives in a way that honors each other and your relationship values. 

And to do this - to have these conversations successfully from a place of looking for solutions and in a way that engages in relationship building - you have to know yourself well, which means coming closer to yourself and your heart, and then communicating that to the other person. 

(PS - want some fun stories and valuable lessons on how to do this well in your inbox every week? Join Relationship Reflections From The Road - my free, weekly email blog that recounts my adventures of dating and relating while traveling as a digital nomad + leaves you with a beautiful takeaway you can apply in your relationships with your partner, family, and friends/colleagues!).

Wishing you and your partner a loving, lifelong marriage, where the two of you continue to grow closer together each year!